A few weeks ago I learned that my brother was gay. I myself have no problems with this, but I'm pretty sure my parents would if they ever found out.
I feel kind of bad because he really doesn't want to tell them.
What should I do, or not do.
(07-29-2010, 09:02 PM)lunagron Wrote: [ -> ]A few weeks ago I learned that my brother was gay. I myself have no problems with this, but I'm pretty sure my parents would if they ever found out.
I feel kind of bad because he really doesn't want to tell them.
What should I do, or not do.
Hi.
Your brother will tell y'all's parents when he is ready. It'd be extremely unfair for you to out him. Feel honored that he trusted you with his secret. Keeping such a thing all to oneself is an enormous burden. You are helping him by being one of the keepers of that secret. You might help him by letting him know you are there if he ever needs to talk, but definitely don't tell anyone in real life that he is gay. It's no one's business unless he makes it their business.
(07-29-2010, 09:05 PM)Elektrisk Wrote: [ -> ]Hi.
Your brother will tell y'all's parents when he is ready. It'd be extremely unfair for you to out him. Feel honored that he trusted you with his secret. Keeping such a thing all to oneself is an enormous burden. You are helping him by being one of the keepers of that secret. You might help him by letting him know you are there if he ever needs to talk, but definitely don't tell anyone in real life that he is gay. It's no one's business unless he makes it their business.
I see what you are saying.
The one part that made me a little annoyed at first is he told other people (including this one person he has never met in real life) weeks before he told me. Later I realized, like you said, that I should be honored to be a keeper of his secret.
He's really scared to tell them though. My parents are pretty religious, we don't go to church or anything but they are still believers is Christianity.
He's just worried that it will, to use his words, "ruin his life". He thinks that he won't be allowed to see some of his friends anymore, 2 of his friends are also gay, because our parents, again using his words, "won't understand."
(07-29-2010, 09:14 PM)lunagron Wrote: [ -> ]I see what you are saying.
The one part that made me a little annoyed at first is he told other people (including this one person he has never met in real life) weeks before he told me. Later I realized, like you said, that I should be honored to be a keeper of his secret.
He's really scared to tell them though. My parents are pretty religious, we don't go to church or anything but they are still believers is Christianity.
He's just worried that it will, to use his words, "ruin his life". He thinks that he won't be allowed to see some of his friends anymore, 2 of his friends are also gay, because our parents, again using his words, "won't understand."
Honestly, I have two brothers. One, I told over msn. The other, I was afraid to tell, because I didn't know how he would react. My best friend told him without me knowing and it turned out better than I predicted. Look at it this way: If your brother's friends turn against him because of his sexuality, then it isn't the end of the world. But, if his own flesh and blood does so, then it's a problem that will follow him until the day that he dies. That could make anyone hesitant to tell.
People often talk big about how they dislike gays and so on, but things change when it's someone you are close to who ends up being one. Regardless of how they initially react, they will end up getting over it. They did not spend 10+ years (however old he is) raising him to just throw all of that hard work away over one surprise. My parents personally vented amongst themselves, and waited until they were calm to discuss the situation with me. After 3 years, they are finally over it.
I think you should feel honoured, he has trusted you. The only thing you can do for your brother is be there whatever your parents reactions. My sister is a lesbian and she actually told my mum over msn because she couldn't face her, I was there throughout with my sister even though she is older than me I was there for her, when she needed me so she respected that and trusted me with everything. It turns out my mum was fine with it.